day 5: father's day

my god, i'm sitting here and i can't even think of a god way to start the blog today. today is father's day. my neighbors came over for a bbq and two of my girlfriends came over.
i watched sex and the city today. until megavideo shut me down.
man. this morning i had a really good topic to write in my blog but i forgot what.
but i can tell you that right now i'm thinking about how things are going so fast. and i thought the school year was going by fast. starting tomorrow, my social life will be close to none until after prom. there are so many preparations to do before prom. nonetheless how i'm wasting so much money and i have so many things to do. my money is depleting so fast especially since i spent like. 4/5 of the money i got from the bank on friday just for the palette from urban decay. but it was a product well spent. i feel like putting makeup on everyday even though i shouldn't. i guess i'm just really excited about the product.
last night i had a realization about the general topic of 'what could have been'. there are so many people this year that have became a big part of my life. and it was something that triggered it. i don't know exactly what for each person but something did. and it made me think, what if my bestfriendship with s didn't break apart? would i be where i am right now? would i be as badass? would i be willing to do things on my own without asking for advice constantly?
i think the answer to all those questions are no. i've learned a lot about myself and i guess i've evolved onto a whole new form of independency. during this short allotted, i taught myself to deal with things myself and only ask for help in a time of need. i've learned a lot about myself without having someone constantly hovering over my shoulder constantly worried. even though we're just nearly friends now, i know s still worries for me. i've heard things that he has said and he even has that worried face on whenever i told him the watered down version of my badassery at school when he asked about my weekend. i guess i do that purposely too; to show him that i'm a whole new person and that i don't need him in my life. i didn't ever need him in my life. i was perfectly fine on my own to make my own decisions, to explore teenage life by myself.
but most of all, i think the most important thing that i've learned this year is:
that boys come and gone, but you always have your girlfriends.
and that is so fucking relevant