day 47: college

like hundreds and hundreds of other kids, i will be attending college in the near fall. if anything, (besides the precollege stress of financial aid and essay writing etc), that pisses me more about precollege, is the way people react to the choice of the school that i will be going to. especially with family or with neighbors. it's near august and i will be going to college in less than a month and people are still nagging me about what college i should have gone to and which college i should have applied to. people are doubting my choice of my major and that pisses me off terribly. sure, i'm young. sure, i don't know what's going to happen in the future but this is my life. at most, the only people who are allowed to nag about what's going to happen are my parents; not my aunts, uncles, and especially not my neighbors. every time my neighbor comes over, he always brings up college. he always tells me why i didn't apply to more state schools. he keeps telling me that i should have gone to farmingdale or nyit. i don't know why i didn't say anything but farmingdale state college doesnt' have civil engineering. i looked at all the suny schools that had civil engineering and farmingdale wasn't on the list. and while farmingdale and nyit are great schools, i worked hard during my junior year to get the sat score that i got. nyu poly was probably a reach school. it was the only school (besides cooper but i mean no one gets into cooper) that i thought i couldn't get into. and when i got into nyu poly, you can bet i was excited.
i don't think people understand the possibilities of me going to nyu poly. while it is not yet completely part of the new york university chain, by the time i graduate, it will be. and i will be graduating with a new york university diploma.
nonetheless the opportunities i can get. i know people say that undergraduate year doesn't really matter but it sort of does. people are selective with what kind of schools people go to.
and i think people are doubtful of the work i can put into. yeah nyu poly will be hard and i understand that. i know what i got myself into. engineering school in general isn't exactly a stroll in the park. nonetheless nyu poly holds the 8th highest paying salaries with bachelor's degrees. in. the. nation.

nonetheless, there will always be people getting in the way of where you want to go. it's up to you to stomp over them and show them what you can achieve. with. or without their help.

day 46

i got called to work early this saturday morning. the only reason why i go on saturdays is because i'm able to increase my paycheck by a little bit and it makes me feel better when i check how much i get paid by the end of two weeks.
by the time i got home, my mother got into a small argument as we were trying to get tickets for washington, d.c. she claimed i had no patience. i was trying to work with the website to get it to work. and all i said was a giant sigh (meant for the website) and my mother goes off on me and how i have no patience. and i didn't even bother fighting back because it wasn't even worth it. so, i'm just not going to help my mother get tickets. i want to go to washington, d.c. but honestly, i don't want to go with my family. my parents are getting old and they don't want to walk a lot. and nonetheless, they cheap out on anything fun and my siblings are old enough to walk around but they are too young to understand anything. so if my mother asks me to get tickets tomorrow, i'm just going to tell her to get my sister to help her because i apparently have no patience and then watch, all hell will break lose and then i will get an attitude for having an attitude when i didn't have an attitude in the first place.
then after that, i went up to my room and took a two hour nap. waking up at 8:30 am in the morning is so hard to do.
then j came over to hang out with my brother and i. i have to practice on my video gaming skills because i kept losing. and i basically only won to pure luck. but it was nice having him around just to chill. but i think my mother is on to something even though there wasn't anything going on. i showed j my room and my mother told me that i shouldn't have a boy in my room. -_-. when the door was clearly open and. uch. and i couldn't even just chill with j either especially since my brother was just being a butt a whole time. i think my brother has grown into the annoying 10-year old brother and i want to beat him up every time he opens his mouth sort of stage. uch. he'll finally realize it when i leave for college. it won't be the same for him.
so i'm off to do stuff.
bye!

day 45: horrible bosses

today i had a reunited meeting with my trap.
we went to the movies
and saw horrible bosses.
and it was a guy movie to be honest.
oh wells. it was nice.
and then we went to the new chipotle.
it was alright.
i have nothing else to say.

day 44

i've never realized how much i hated kids until... today at work. another day in which my day revolved just around kumon. i've decided not to work there during the school year only because it wasn't worth it.
but after work when i was bumming and watching sex and the city, i was kidnapped  by j and t who i haven't seen in so long.
and learned some college stuff.
and that's it.
the end.
bye

day 43

i'm laying down in my bed while on the laptop. and it's probably the worst position for me for my back and my neck, but as of right now, i'm too tired to care. it's 5:21 pm in the evening and all my friends are out. either they're out on dates or with family or just even at home like i am, every one is doing their own thing. my plans for the evening have been canceled and i am left here blogging. but i do have plans tonight; plans that i am quite excited about.
these last few days i've been thinking about my heart. i've always had a problem with letting people in. and i guess i'm constantly guarded. i know it's not good for me but no matter how hard i try and no matter how much i want to let them inside my walls, i always have a gun in my pocket. i guess i've just been scarred and scared of what can happen. and then i think of the time left i have in town. i have approximately a month left here are home. am i going to risk not doing what my heart desires only because of time and school? as much as i do want to knock my walls down, i also don't want to ruin a friendship. and then there is living with the what if's in my head. i don't want to live my life through that.
i guess i have to remind myself that i have to do this for myself and not for anyone else; no matter what people say.
edit: 2:19 am
i just had one of the best nights of my life. (: 

day 42

all in all, i'm glad my friends and i had that slumber party. it was a hang out well needed.
but there was just this one kid i couldn't get off my mind.
i don't really have much to say.
except that i went to work today after the slumber party.
it seemed to go really slow.
and all i feel like doing is taking a shower, and watching more sex and the city.
you know? i might just do that (:
toodles

day 41

i am sleeping in linda's bed. i'll blog tomorrow.
BYE
edit: 1:13 PM the next day:
sadly, i sort of forgot to blog until last night when i was just about to get some rest from the sleepover i was at. i had to kick b off her computer just to write those three sentences you see above. ^^ so technically i did blog. i just didn't blog enough.
i spent the day yesterday getting ready for this sleepover and talking to j. and i did so from the moment i woke up until i had to leave. so i was just doing two things for like about... six hours. then i got to l's house with r and b and we started the sleepover madness. we did some nose pore strip things that i've been meaning to try for the longest time and we did the typical baking. we bought a special brownie mix called mississippi mud brownies and we used a smore icing to put it on top. nonetheless, it was DELICIOUS. so much chocolate in one bite and there were marshmallows and it was just... a chocolate-gasm in my mouth. then basically we just hung around in l's room and some people did their nails, some people were on the computer.
nonetheless it was a good night. but the slumber party craziness have seemed to just lessen down. i guess we're just getting too old. and staying up isn't as easy as it was a couple of years ago. i'm glad we had this. i'm glad the girls were able to hang around together one last time before college. it was a moment to remember. especially since many of us will be soon going our different ways in a couple of weeks. i just need a day with my boys and then another day where every one can meet up at the same time.
just one more month. four weeks. twenty eight days.
then we're all splitting and moving on and traveling down different paths.
till then, i'm going to wait for l's mom to get chicken and rice for us (:
and then i'm headed off to work.
bye!

post 40

i have an addiction. not with food. not with boys. not with internet (okay yes with internet but that's not the point of this right now). i have an addiction with nailpolish. my god. i've been constantly putting it on and taking it off and repeating with a new color for weeks now. but i've always done that.
today was a day in which i spent the day home. i've been sitting in my pjs all day. i stayed in bed and watch sex and the city for my seventy two minutes. and then when megavideo's seventy two minutes were up, i started watching a cinderella story because i wanted to see it. i miss hilary duff. i remember when i was younger, any movie with hilary duff, lindsay lohan, and amanda bynes was a definite movie to watch. and now they're all either married, in jail, or so called "retired". i don't think the movies now a days can compare to the movies made then. now the movies are so washed up and typical and so expected.
i can't think of anything to write. bye!

day 39

i've been recently watching more and more episodes of sex and the city. it is one of the only things i end up doing when i simply have nothing else to do. and well, i wish i could write like carrie bradshaw. i remember i used to have so much inspiration and now i just don't have anything. i barely sketch anymore. i barely paint any more. i barely have any more creative sensibility.
i'm sitting on my kitchen island with my headphones on. my mother and her best friend are chatting in front of me but i don't hear a word they're saying. i think that's the only reason why my mother trusts me and my best girlfriends so much. because she understands. she understands that there is necessary girl time and talking and chatting and doing hairs and doing nails. she understands that while it is great to have a billion friends, it's always great to have that one friend in which you can tell anything to no matter how severe the situation is.
a best friend is there to always smack the reality back into your life no matter what happens. no matter happens, they're always there for you; whether you're crying from a broken heart or when you're moaning from your period or when you can barely contain your laughter. they're always there.
i'm blessed that i have so many people in my life that i'm able to call best friends. not only do i have a great best girlfriend, i have many of them. and best boy friends along with it when i have to deal with things less emotional and more dead on situations.
but when is appropriate to listen to yourself rather than your friends? your friends have an outside watch on you. they can listen to every word you say and watch everything you do. but do they really know what's right for you? do they really know what's going on in your head? there's only some part of the story that they know.
so whether this is a guilt factor or not, i don't know.
and whether this is worth hiding from them, i don't know.
i'm just afraid of what they're going to say.
because this isn't the girl they know of.

day 38

i haven't stepped outside yet but today is supposed to be one of the hottest days ever. ironically, warped tour is tomorrow and i'm glad i'm not going because it will be scorching hot like it was last year. and last year was not too fun with the heat i can tell you that. i'm blogging now because i know later i'm not going to have much time. my girls are coming over in a little bit and we're going to play some video games and giggle and do female stuff. and then later i'm going out.
i've come to realization that sometimes, i do think too much. i think about the consequences a little too harshly. but then when it's the times i do need to think just a little extra, i just throw it over my shoulder.
i can't think of anything else to write.
as usual.
here's to tonight.
edit: 1:29 am
so i can't write much.
but i feel so good.
i did the right thing.
xx

day 37

what are we doing? i don't get where we are. i told myself i wouldn't. i told myself i wasn't going to get into the stupid love mess again. i tried so hard last night to reject every single move you made. it was so. fucking. hard. because the more you tried, the more i just wanted to give in. the more you moved in closer the more i just wanted to get closer to you. but i know you're terrible for me. out of all the boys, you'd just become addictive to me, as you are already. i want us to be friends. do i? i do. i think i do. i keep telling myself i do. if i didn't want to be more than friends, i would have gave in to you already wouldn't i? and if you wanted to be more than friends, you would have just kissed me even though i dodged the bullet every single time. we were so straight forward last night. i liked that. i liked how i had the guts to ask you sort of where we were even though the answers you gave me answered nothing but everything at the same time.
i'm just tired of you pulling the moves on me. because single time i feel like you've pulled this with her too. and that i'm not special at all. but you tell me i am. and you tell me a billion other things that can make my heart soar but my walls are built up high.
i'm guarded.
it's going to take a little more than pulling me closer to give in.
even though i badly want to give up.
badly.

day 36

Right now, I'm in the car with j as we speak. We're roaming around town as we usually do. I had breakfasT with the emo pinatas at an early hour of 9 and then crashedthe moment I got home. Then I got crunk at m's house. And when I say crunk, I mean CRUNK. And it was amazingly fun. It was worth it. It was worth letting lose. And the night continues as I'm typing this on j's blackberry. So this is a shorT blog but it's better than nothing. Toodles.

day 35: respect

so while i wait for my today's episode of pretty little liars to completely finish downloading, here i am with my fingers ready to type about what i do today.
basically all i did today:
kumon. which was cute. i have some students who are growing on me and it's nice. but i think by the time i leave near august, i'm going to miss them terribly.
every night before i go to sleep, i always think of the best things to write of. i always think of topics of things that i used to write about from my previous blogs.
on the way to work today, i was thinking about the way things changed from january to now. the people in my life totally changed. instead of having one guy best friend, i now have about... four. which has it's pros and cons in it's ways. i mean. that's how i work. besides my super best girl friend, i usually barely tell any secrets to anyone else. i mean i rant about my life, but those are rarely any secrets. if any thing, i tell bits and pieces to everyone. i guess sometimes i treat my friends like horcruxes. which is sad because i shouldn't. but i've had way too many people come and go in my life and i shouldn't risk it.
recently, i've also had a self identification evaluation if you will. i was thinking about things that make me different from other people. girls in general but other people. i've been working myself up on finding ways on how to love myself cause frankly, i don't think my self esteem is up to a healthy level. i thought about the way i act. i guess in a way i am a lady. i respect myself. i respect my body. i respect others. i listen and talk. and i am gentle at times. but along those lines, i also am a very... how do i say this. i am fierce in a way. i will stand up for what i believe in. i am determined.
unlike other girls. who fucking throw their bodies onto guys and *gag* you get the picture.
basically, i'm not a slut.
and i'm fucking proud of it.
and in that way, i guess i can say i have class.
no, i know i can say that i have class.
and that i have respect for myself.

day 34

i went to the mall with h.
it was nice.
the bus driver was very interesting.
it was like we were in a coach bus.
then i met up with b & r.
it was nice.
had some nice giggles.
but it wasn't long enough.
i was told to keep a secret today.
and i guess it broke a little bit of me.

day 33

i know it's fairly early in the day. it's nearly 6:20 pm. but i decided since i have nothing to do right now that i'd blog for the time being.
i didn't do anything today, except go out with my dad and sister to pick up some school supplies. i got a nifty (does anyone say nifty anymore?) little white erase board that was only a dollar. booyeh. good stuff. i spotted d and his little brothers at staples and then walgreens after.
today was basically another day spent mostly indoors.
my mom made hamburgers today. i ate three of them right after another. talk about hungry. :/
i played with my makeup today too.

i used my urban decay feminine pallet. i just did the eyes though. and it turned out really nice. i think i'm going to start playing with my eye makeup more often now.
there's a lot of things recently that's been going on in my mind. regardless of what anyone says, i honestly don't know what to do. there's a boy that's been in my life this past year and i do enjoy his company a lot. it's just that recently, i don't know where we stand in our friendship. i don't know whether he wants to be just more than friends or if he's just joking about relationships. do boys even like to joke about relationships? as of right now, i know that i want to just stay friends. summer is half gone. i'm not going to throw myself into a relationship that'll only last a little more than a month. but then again, when was the last time i had a relationship that was worth lasting longer than a month. i enjoy his company because well. he treats me right. he treats me with respect. and he listens to me. and he's a gentleman. but what makes him different from the other gentleman i've dated? nothing. just like the other guys, they think they know me but they don't know at all... yeah i guess he's not worth it. but i do enjoy his company. i don't want to lose him as a friend. he's become someone i could really depend on.
now to see if he's just like the other guys. is he going to leave when i need him the most?

day 32

perhaps today was meant to be like this. i went early for work. i'm exhausted. waking up at 8:30 in the morning is not pleasant when you're so used to sleeping way past noon.
and then afterwards i stayed home all day all tired-like. on the way from work, i saw the hair salon that did feathers and they had a lot more variety. but, i'm glad my friends and i acquired the fad way before it got out.
and i even took a nap today. i ate a lot of chocolate things. like chocolate covered strawberries and my mother made home made chocolate chip cookies.
and i took a nap today.
and watched sex and the city.
and basically i did nothing. except stay inside.
and i wore my feather cuff today.
yup. besides that. nothing new.
goodbye.

day 31

so i successfully saw harry potter and the deathly hallows part two at midnight. and can i just say...
that the movie..
was amazing.
it followed a majority of the book. it was action packed. there were a few things that were a little iffy but those were the minor details which really could be easily pushed aside. the movie was great. i loved it. and i will be definitely seeing it again in the theatres.
not only did i successfully see the movie, i also grabbed myself a pair of harry potter 3d glasses. my friends and i saw the 2d movie but the ticket collector guy at the front was giving them to the people who were seeing 3d movies but he gave them to the girls and i but not really to the boys.
over all, the night was a great night. i had a little adventure with r, n, j and a and it was just so worth it. then r and n slept over and it was just nice having that memory to share with them.
and then later that day i went out with h. and we had a lovely conversation about life.
i missed that. i missed him. it was two weeks without having him around and it was so nice to have him back. now i just need all my brothers back here with me.
all i know is that tonight, i'm going to have a great sleep. because i need it.
till then! xx

day 30: midnight premiere

there is only one reason why i am blogging so early in the day. right now it is 1:19 pm in the day and i guess fairly, my day just started. but i do have a good excuse. tonight will be the night that i have been looking forward to for years. tonight is the midnight premiere of harry potter and the deathly hallows. not only is this the last movie of the series but considering this is my favorite book and part 2 is where all the juicy stuff is, i just can't wait. i've been waiting for this movie for years. it just seemed just like yesterday when the book first came out three or four years ago and now finally, the movie is here. it's surreal. it's almost over.
the plan is for r and i to go to work and after we're done, we're going to go out to dinner and then head straight for the theatre. yeah we're going to be there a smidge early but so is a lot of other people. we're going to wait in line for a couple hours until eleven-ish or nearly midnight. and we'll meet j, a and n there probably and i just can't wait. i hope everything runs smoothly. and i hope r and i get there early enough to get great seats. and i hope that nothing goes wrong with the tickets and i just hope things go well.
this is not only my first time seeing harry potter at midnight, but it was also my last time seeing harry potter at midnight. mind you, i'm probably going to see the movie a couple more times especially if it's great. i can't wait.
and basically the moral of this blog post is that i'm writing early because essentially tonight, i won't be home to blog.
and the girls will be sleeping over tonight.
so here's to tonight.
tonight is where it all ends.

day 29: surprise birthday party

today my day consisted of helping to run s's birthday smoothly as today for one of the first times ever, i was the wingman and didn't plan much.
i did nothing else except for watch a webinar from my college that i missed on monday and learned about registering for my college classes. i have five classes that i have to sign up for. i hope i don't screw anything up.
we went to la parma and the plan was for everyone to meet us there. s had no clue and we were running a little bit late, but that was even better for the plan. he didn't expect it until he walked in and saw everyone sitting down at a table together. he was almost about to tear and nothing but pure happiness was in his eyes.
we ate some italian food and it was good.
i'm so glad we got to do this for s. he deserves it out of all the people i know. his heart is so big and he only has good intentions for everyone.
and then i went out with j for the rest of the night and did our typical car driving, talking, and singing to music. for some reason, tonight he was very... energetic. must have been all that italian food.
until tomorrow afternoon.
xx

day 28

perhaps the only thing i wanted to do was to stay in bed all day and sleep. i was tired and dizzy and i just didn't want to do anything.
i ended up going to work and dealing with it. it wasn't until halfway through work when the drugs started kicking in and i felt normal-esque [or as close to it i can get].
and that was about it.
i did nothing else.
except paint my nails a new color.
i am now sporting a royal blue color.
that is all.

day 27: red carpet premiere

perhaps today was one of the most impacting days of my life. not perhaps. it is. today was the day that my ten years of harry potter dreaming just exploded. i got to be in the vicinity of daniel radcliff [harry potter], rupert grint [ronald weasley], emma watson [hermoine granger], alan rickman [severus snape], tom felton [draco malfoy], matthew lewis [neville longbottom] and many more. i breathed the same air as these people did. r, j, and i stood outside in the heat of 98F waiting for these people. these people are my heroes and my inspiration. they make me believe in magic and that there is so much more to life. there is imagination in this world after all.
a lot of people got sick. and it was literally body to body. it reminded me of the warped tour days except worse. people were crying and some were sick. but the strongest stuck out till the end. i got some pictures but they're terrible. i didn't get any autographs. tom felton was about five people away from me when he turned around and went back to the red carpet. it broke my heart.
the nyc premiere was planned horribly. the people that camped out for days didn't get first priority. and it was just an entire mess. and the people that were even outside didn't have a good view. i wonder if this is how it was in the london premiere. but their square was bigger. all we had was a measly lincoln center.
but it's better than nothing
i can officially say that i attended my first and last harry potter red carpet premiere.
and it was worth ever little bit of it.

day 26: the beach

my day basically revolved around the beach. the first place that i went when i woke up? well. the bathroom. cause i was feeling sort of sick. but i felt better and then got ready and headed to the beach.
all i did was tan today. and i did get tan. there were no clouds in the sky at all and i got some serious sun damage. sadly, i'm going out in the sun again tomorrow which is not good for my skin at all but for tanning purposes.
it was a good five hours sitting on the beach hanging with j. we had a lot of talking and making fun of each other. no worries whatsoever. except for one. which has been bugging me all week. because i don't know where he is in the world. and whether he's alright or not. the boys keep telling me that he's okay but, i'm still worried. i just want him to come home.
but the moral of the story is
even doing nothing on the beach can make you feel so tired.
tomorrow's a big day! harry potter red carpet!

day 24: we the kings

i was laying in bed, so ready to get my dreams on, when i remembered i didn't blog for the day.
today was a very unexpected day. all i had planned to do was to attend j's beerbq.
however, i saw that travis clark (lead singer of the band we the kings) posted on his twitter that he was going to be playing at r mall today for free! so i gathered up my friends last minute and then we went to see we the kings. they came out later than expected. of course all the hours added up together especially since we came a couple hours earlier and they came an hour and a half later than expected but that's okay. i breathed the same air as the band, we the kings, for the second time in my life. every time i see we the kings, i can't help but think that he knows charles trippy (a youtube vlogger, a very famous one i might add). they grew up together in talahassee, florida. it's such a small world. and now the both of them are so successful, it's insane.
after that i dropped by j's bbq, even though no one else wanted to go. but some people tagged along for a bite and then left. i stayed a little bit longer. i stayed sober for the night because i knew i was going home soon. and i wasn't really comfortable with the crowd. some people were friendlier than expected. even people i've been a total jerk to over the school year. i guess it's just the high school angst. everything seems so different. and adult like. and grudge free.
and then my night ended off fairly early. i've been coming home earlier recently. especially since my dad has been on vacation and isn't working for a couple of weeks. i guess i feel bad. my father told my mother that i was spoiled. in a sense, i can see that. my mother does spoil me sometimes. but she realizes that i need to live and have fun. but at the same time, i haven't been home for dinner in days. i keep seeing my friends. i guess i should stay home more often. i guess i feel a bit guilty. that even though this is my last summer with my friends, it is my last real summer with my family. but the thing is, my friends might not be here when i come back next summer... but i know my family will be.
i guess what determines who's going to be there for me in the summer is when it's time to truly see, which ones of my friends are really my family...
till tomorrow
xx

day 24: hair cut

the majority of my day was spent looking forward to my hair cut and hair dye.
i cut of two inches of my hair and of course, i came back with more than two inches cut. nonetheless, i like it. i haven't had my hair this short in ages. and i dyed my hair. the box says auburn and i was frightened, but since my hair is dark, it looks redbrown. i love it. i think i'm going to start dying my hair more colors.
i like the different looks. come fall time, i'm probably going to go dark. blue dark. perhaps thanksgiving break when i get a chance to come home and do it?
besides that things have been normal, except for a very frightening message i read when i got home.
just, wherever you are in the world right now, please be safe. come back home soon. you are a hero.

day 23: harry potter

i was planning to write a post about this a long time ago. but i never got the chance to.
ten years ago, when harry potter and the sorcerer's stone first came out, i remember sitting in the theater with my aunt. who knew this whole harry potter business was going to erupt. i'll always remember being in second grade reading the first few books and as the newer books started coming out, i would start reading the series all over again. and then movie after movie, i started watching them and then reading the books even more.
harry potter came into my life when i was about seven. ten years ago. i waited as i turned eleven and waited for my hogwarts letter from dumbledore to come in the mail. it never came. when i grew up, i didn't really broadcast my love for harry potter. as if kids my age ever were connected to it as i was. i don't think it was until high school where i was able to find other kids with a love for harry potter. and after that it just grew bigger and bigger. the franchise exploded and all of a sudden, every other student in school was a harry potter geek.
i haven't read the books one through six in a few years. i'm going to say two years because i remember specifically, i read the books right after another.
and it wasn't until last year in which i bought my first harry potter book. it will be my first harry potter book and it is the last of the series. harry potter and the deathly hallows was by far my favorite book. maybe because there was so much adventure and fighting and love and friendship in it. at times it was slow, especially during the middle, but at the end, it was all worth it.
i got to read about my favorite three wizards fighting evil.
i remember in 9th grade when deathly hallows came out. it was the final installment of the harry potter series. the main question was whether harry potter was going to be killed off or not. i'll try not to spoil it but in a way he was and a way he wasn't.
i saw the london premiere this morning on youtube, along with many, many other harry potter nerds that i knew and that i didn't. my blog dashboard was exploding with posts about the live premiere. not to mention, my posts were exploding too.
it's just hard to imagine that in one week my childhood will be i guess "over". i grew up with harry potter. in this last segment of the movie, harry will be gone with his hogwart years. he's going to be an adult in a sense. seventeen is wizarding legal age. as i'm seventeen, i feel attached.
i might not have gotten my hogwarts letter when i was eleven.
but i feel like i've been there my entire life.
thank you harry potter, for growing up with me.
it's not goodbye. it's never goodbye.

day 22: crackle polish

i thought this morning was going to be the worst day for me. but j made it better. we had an adventure at walmart and even though it was short, it was still fun. just hanging out with him makes my day. i don't know how he does it but he makes everything so care free!
and then after, i had a small pool party at my house. but the sun went away and then things didn't get so fun anymore.
and we went to panera.
and ate
and then j got me crackle polish.
i'm iffy about this right now
but i'll have to see in the morning.
and then we just spent time together.
i played a little wiffle ball with the boys today. it was pretty fun.
and now i'm oovooing into the wee hours of the day.

day 21

today has been another casual day.
i find myself writing less and less as the days go on. i went to work today.
i got called out on at work (with fun) cause i didn't fold my shirt neat enough.
oh wells.
i drove for the first time today. s was sitting in shot gun with b and j in the back. i'm not used to driving. nor pushing down on the pedal. i keep jerking the car back and forth. lol and i kept screaming.
but it was good.
and h called me and told me some stories.
i just hope tomorrow is better.

i hate anon trolls.
especially ones that know your ex
and purposely troll you and get caught.
i will fuck him up.

day 20: july 4th

this was one of the greatest july 4ths i've ever had in my entire life. usually i go and well.. stay home.
i had my first beer.
i know.
just one.
it didn't do anything but
nonetheless, it was something.
and i watched fireworks at j's aunts house.
which were fantastic.
they were right in our faces. but a piece of ash fell in my eye.
and it took me a while to get it out.
it hurt.
then i went around town with j.
and came home now.
one of the best nights of my life.
i haven't laughed so hard in ages.
and i peed in my backyard. (i know classy.. but i had to go without going inside)
i'm glad i have someone there to make me laugh until i can't breathe.
thank you j.
i needed it so much.
now onto the rest of my life.
(:

day 19

today was all about food. from this morning to the night time, all i did was eat and eat and eat. it was like as if i didn't eat before.
i went to uncle bacala's for the first time today for g's graduation slash birthday party. the meals were amazing. i had my first five course italian meal. the whole brunch thing took four hours. everything was delicious. there were waffles and pancakes first. and there was penne a la vodka (which i had for the first time too and it was delicious) and caesar salad, and other things that i forgot cause it was just so much.
and then later that same night i went out to simply fondue with my friends. it was the first time i had fondue. it was really weird but it was good. it was something new and quality time with my friends.

and played billiards. well i didn't. i just tagged people with the white chalk.

and then we saw some fireworks.

i'm tired.
i need le sleep. goodnight.

day 18

i'm sick and tired.
of everything.
and i feel so goddamn lonely.
and i want to scream
but i can't
cause nothing will come out.

went to sra pincay's house for breakfast today. i adore her six year old sun.
got deaded by snr pincay.
cause i told him i was going to be a civil engineer.
that makes me nervous now.
what if i dont find a job after college?
then my dad will be right after all..
and then i'll be screwed for life.
and my dreams will never come true.
and i'll be alone.
forever.
living in a box.
and fucking up things.
i'm so fucking scared.

day 17

i just hate people.
i just fucking hate people.
i can't wait to go to college.

anyway. i saw transformers 3 today. the new female lead was alright. i don't really want to ruin it but she was very.. lets say damsel in distress like. and she had different shoes on during the same scene and i caught it. and it was just. no.
it was an okay day.
another day of cranky-ness.
i just keep getting crankier by the day don't i.
too tired to write.
sra's house tomorrow for flhs breakfast.
last one. ever.