what are we doing? i don't get where we are. i told myself i wouldn't. i told myself i wasn't going to get into the stupid love mess again. i tried so hard last night to reject every single move you made. it was so. fucking. hard. because the more you tried, the more i just wanted to give in. the more you moved in closer the more i just wanted to get closer to you. but i know you're terrible for me. out of all the boys, you'd just become addictive to me, as you are already. i want us to be friends. do i? i do. i think i do. i keep telling myself i do. if i didn't want to be more than friends, i would have gave in to you already wouldn't i? and if you wanted to be more than friends, you would have just kissed me even though i dodged the bullet every single time. we were so straight forward last night. i liked that. i liked how i had the guts to ask you sort of where we were even though the answers you gave me answered nothing but everything at the same time.
i'm just tired of you pulling the moves on me. because single time i feel like you've pulled this with her too. and that i'm not special at all. but you tell me i am. and you tell me a billion other things that can make my heart soar but my walls are built up high.
i'm guarded.
it's going to take a little more than pulling me closer to give in.
even though i badly want to give up.
badly.
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