i'm laying down in my bed while on the laptop. and it's probably the worst position for me for my back and my neck, but as of right now, i'm too tired to care. it's 5:21 pm in the evening and all my friends are out. either they're out on dates or with family or just even at home like i am, every one is doing their own thing. my plans for the evening have been canceled and i am left here blogging. but i do have plans tonight; plans that i am quite excited about.
these last few days i've been thinking about my heart. i've always had a problem with letting people in. and i guess i'm constantly guarded. i know it's not good for me but no matter how hard i try and no matter how much i want to let them inside my walls, i always have a gun in my pocket. i guess i've just been scarred and scared of what can happen. and then i think of the time left i have in town. i have approximately a month left here are home. am i going to risk not doing what my heart desires only because of time and school? as much as i do want to knock my walls down, i also don't want to ruin a friendship. and then there is living with the what if's in my head. i don't want to live my life through that.
i guess i have to remind myself that i have to do this for myself and not for anyone else; no matter what people say.
edit: 2:19 am
i just had one of the best nights of my life. (:
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