day 39

i've been recently watching more and more episodes of sex and the city. it is one of the only things i end up doing when i simply have nothing else to do. and well, i wish i could write like carrie bradshaw. i remember i used to have so much inspiration and now i just don't have anything. i barely sketch anymore. i barely paint any more. i barely have any more creative sensibility.
i'm sitting on my kitchen island with my headphones on. my mother and her best friend are chatting in front of me but i don't hear a word they're saying. i think that's the only reason why my mother trusts me and my best girlfriends so much. because she understands. she understands that there is necessary girl time and talking and chatting and doing hairs and doing nails. she understands that while it is great to have a billion friends, it's always great to have that one friend in which you can tell anything to no matter how severe the situation is.
a best friend is there to always smack the reality back into your life no matter what happens. no matter happens, they're always there for you; whether you're crying from a broken heart or when you're moaning from your period or when you can barely contain your laughter. they're always there.
i'm blessed that i have so many people in my life that i'm able to call best friends. not only do i have a great best girlfriend, i have many of them. and best boy friends along with it when i have to deal with things less emotional and more dead on situations.
but when is appropriate to listen to yourself rather than your friends? your friends have an outside watch on you. they can listen to every word you say and watch everything you do. but do they really know what's right for you? do they really know what's going on in your head? there's only some part of the story that they know.
so whether this is a guilt factor or not, i don't know.
and whether this is worth hiding from them, i don't know.
i'm just afraid of what they're going to say.
because this isn't the girl they know of.